Festival Essentials (Kinda): How about a mimosa?
So you’re going to a festival huh, sweetheart? Awesome. Remember to pack baby powder because whatever you have dangling between your legs is going to find a way to chafe the shit out of you. Now that that’s out of the way we need to talk about the next thing you need to pack. Champagne. Lots of it. I know, I know, technically what you’re going to buy is not really champagne, shit, it might even be Cooks, or worse, Andre (always extra dry)…but it’s cool. As long as you bring one case, per person. Minimum
I know, I know. Glass bottles aren’t allowed. But neither are blunts, Quaalude’s (wait you brought Quaalude’s?), or any of the other shit ‘your guy’ hooked you up with. So go for it. Worst case scenario? They find a case in your car and confiscate it. Chances are they’ll be too busy dealing with the VW bus in the next lane. Smile and nod fuckers, smile and nod.
How about a mimosa?
Great you made it! Before we set up camp, ya know what would be awesome? You guessed it! A champagne toast. And yes, there is a pattern forming here.
Sweet! The camp is set up…champagne? I thought so- it tastes just fine from a Dixie cup thank you very much. Can I make mixed drinks using champagne? Of course you can! They’re delicious- pour me one too.
It’s dark out- let’s head to the stages! You know what would be awesome? Champagne of course! Here’s how you can get some in. Find a fence by the porta-potties, wrap it in your super cool bandanna and lightly toss that shit over the fence onto the grassy floor beneath. Unless it’s concrete- in which case- that sounds like a shitty festival bro. It’ll be grass probably, and the bottle will be fine. Trust me. I’ve done it many, many times. Now just walk through security and claim your sweet prize. Or shove the bottle down your pants- I don’t care. Just get it in there. Because there is nothing sweeter than a champagne shower during a super sexy set.
Hung over from the late night Nectar set? How about a mimosa? Vitamin C is good for you. Also – no, she’s not the one.
So, yeah. Champagne. Bring it.
Sooty & the Gang
Image Credit: http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2013-12-24-cha1.jpg