Fridayge – Rules to the Weekend #1 – Proper Nutrition
Dayge.
A word coined back in the Spring of 2009. I’d like to believe I created it myself, but sobriety wasn’t my strong suit back in my freshman year of college, so any claim I made back then, realistically isn’t credible. Deriving from the Americano Collegiate term “rage”, the word dayge was created when I realized being sneakily day drunk on our campus beach with funny hats and necklace coozies was far more exhilarating than our run of the mill beer pong rager at night.
Listen here children. In no way do I support underage drinking, or, the consumption of alcohol overall via this page; but if you’re going to do it, I’d like all you misguided pledges of society to do it right. Doing so, honestly may save your life. Or at least that’s what I tell myself to make me sleep better at night. So I present to you, our new weekly Friday series…
Fridayge – Guide to the Weekend
Every week, i’ll sit you rookies on my lap and give you a tip, trick or string of facts that can and more than likely will, enhance your weekend festivities. I’m no Party Master, but I’m a seasoned vet in such matters more than I’d like to admit. So call me Adobo. Bitch.
JK. I rage. 
To start this series, I’ll begin with probably the holy grail of all “Rage Rules” & honestly, human life itself. Proper nutrition prior to all dayge & rage activities. Food & water. “Oh I had a pop tart 4 hours ago, I’m pretty sure I’ll be fine.” You’re so stupid. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard this from a friend, I’d be neck deep in starbursts.
Obvious fact you say? Wrong. You’ll be surprised how many folks not only, don’t eat or hydrate prior to their partying, but also, how many do so, and do so incorrectly. Through my years of painful rounds of fisticuffs against my liver, I’ve deduced this science down to a formula that has made me the champ of many binges. I must be honest though, this weekend rule only applies to NORMAL weekend parameters. If you’re at a festival, traveling, or in an odd setting, I’ll cover survival in future weeks.
Grab your notepads & your gel pens Lucy. The next string of rules WILL make or break you.
- Food Intake
- Meal – Eating a healthy balanced meal is key in life regardless of your intentions, but, most of you have the chef skill level of a 1980’s microwave. So I’ll make it simple.
- OPTIMAL MEAL will consist of 50% carbs/starch, 40% Protein, and 10% Variable of your choice.
- OPTIMAL MEAL will consist of 50% carbs/starch, 40% Protein, and 10% Variable of your choice.
- Timing – Proper timing in food consumption is key when you have party plan nearby. If you eat too early, you’ll be empty stomached, and will crash after 3 tequila shots like a tourist in Cancun. Eat too close to party time, and you’ll be too full, and be lagging around because you can’t fit more than one shotgunned beer in you. You nancy. So listen up.
- OPTIMAL Eating time is 2 hours and 30 minutes before you begin the RAGE. Warm up shots, light wine with/after food, and hangover beers (we’ll cover next week) do not apply to this rule.
This will allow you to take in all the nutrients, digest, and set your body up for prime dayge/rage intake. You’ll thank me later.
- OPTIMAL Eating time is 2 hours and 30 minutes before you begin the RAGE. Warm up shots, light wine with/after food, and hangover beers (we’ll cover next week) do not apply to this rule.
- Meal – Eating a healthy balanced meal is key in life regardless of your intentions, but, most of you have the chef skill level of a 1980’s microwave. So I’ll make it simple.
- Water Intake
- Once again, for a prime party experience, you’ll want to consume WATER while you prepare. “Dude, I’ll start drinking a beer, just to get my body in motion” said the young me. WRONG! Yes, this strategy does work. But when your mashed potatoes don’t level out with your Natural Ice, then you end up puking after your ritual beer bong at noon, don’t blame me.
Back to it. You should shoot on putting down 3-5 cups of water within this 2.5 hour window. I’m not your personal trainer, so I’m not going to lie and tell you 8 is needed. I’m trying to morph you into a party Adonis, not an Instagram model.This level of hydration will help set your body up for success before you drown it in cheap flavored vodka and mystery keg.
- Once again, for a prime party experience, you’ll want to consume WATER while you prepare. “Dude, I’ll start drinking a beer, just to get my body in motion” said the young me. WRONG! Yes, this strategy does work. But when your mashed potatoes don’t level out with your Natural Ice, then you end up puking after your ritual beer bong at noon, don’t blame me.
- Secret Tip
- Take a multivitamin with your meal. I’ve seen best results with a Super B blend. This will load you up with all the tasty nutrition & electrolytes before you annihilate your body and help prevent that next dayge hangover.
Like a gas station bean burrito, let’s wrap this up & get our weekend started. To all of you fellow degenerates out there, I say cheers & good luck, as we all venture into the 2-3 days that we shine. The fucking weekend.
Stay safe. Stay weird. Stay sexy.
